marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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