Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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