we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
