I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
