I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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