hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
