We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
