i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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