she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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