why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
