Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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