Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
