i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
