I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
