White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
