I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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