Screwed.edu
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
whose parrot is this?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
