I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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