you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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