She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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