I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
