The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
