Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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