im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
