you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
vagina is talking i cant
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
