R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He felt like a one man threesome
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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