All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
