at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
