we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
high people should be assigned attendants
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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