Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
