OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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