So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
