getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
