Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
