apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
