youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
