I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I touched a dick in church today
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
