My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
