I accidentally burped into my bong.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
