1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Reggie can tackle my bush.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
