I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
