There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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