someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
