Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
