The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
