it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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