I think I won the penis lottery.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He passed out mid-signature
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
