Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
