She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
