Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
