Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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