I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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