she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
