forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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