dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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